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SubscriptionsSites I Read
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| "What kind of slut fucks with such...grievous rhapsody? Something doesn't add up. It's true, the many oh so many dress rehearsals: bluffed coital spasms and vociferations in an enthusiastic escalade of sexual histrionics until in the heat of the act alone copious emissions from her inner heart exude outward. But she's different. Not a Soc nor a Greaser, but stuck between the mocking smile of Heaven above and the heinous cackle of Hell below. She's a good person with a human itch, and we don't mean the tuning-fork-vibrato itch of the clit but something more gravelly, like broken teeth in the Stygian darkness of the mouth. Real deep void-eyeballing shit. OK, so she's a slut. But she's my slut."
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| You know there was a time seems like an ERA shrouded now in the obfuscating mists of youthful indiscretion, arrogance, and naivete when I stood very high-minded on certain principles of moral conduct. Things were more black-and-white then. But am I more immoral now, or is this merely the passing of time? CHANGES.
To illustrate, take a girl. A charming little thing, modest breasts, darkly swimming coiffure or something poetic like that. Or blonde. Or dark-haired but dyed blonde. Yeah, that's pretty enough. OK, so we're hitting it off. She's eyeball-fucking me from across the room, for chrissakes. When we start to talk, talking turns to flirting and flirting turns to intimacy. She tells me everything, smoochy-smoochy, hanky-panky. And then she tells me she has a boyfriend. While we're taking a stroll one afternoon and she's hanging on my arm like some delicate little blossom on a cherry tree she tells me...she has a fucking boyfriend. Whoa.
It's happened more than once. It's happened enough I must question myself whether there's some kind of pathology going on here. But nevermind that. There was a time seems like an ERA shrouded now in the obfuscating mists of youthful indiscretion, arrogance, and naivete when I stood very high-minded on certain principles of moral conduct. But now...
Now I just think: She's got a boyfriend? That's unfortunate. I just hope he doesn't knock her up, 'cuz I can't compete with a baby!
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| ["//" mark where character lines overlap.]
CATALUNYA GLAXOSMITH-CATERINE 19-years old. SHEP's young wife.
SHEP DEPP 26-years old. Kind of a unique guy.
CODY DEPP 27-years old. SHEP's ex-wife.
Bedroom. CATALUNYA in negligee ogles a nudey mag.
CATALUNYA. "Ooh la la..." Potpourri of sounds and gestures. Then, enter SHEP. CATALUNYA sits on the nudey mag.
SHEP. "What was that?" CATALUNYA looks around innocently. "What-"
CATALUNYA. "What was what? You're home early."
SHEP. "Told Satch he could take the report and suck my balls, I want to be home with my wife tonight-"
CATALUNYA. "Did you get fired?"
SHEP.
CATALUNYA.
SHEP. "What? No. Satch and I are friends. I was just messing around, I didn't..."
CATALUNYA. "Good. It's been a pretty non-descrip day for me."
SHEP. "...You must be bored out of your skull then. Kiss me." They lean in, but SHEP snatches the nudey mag instead. "Aha! So that's what that was."
CATALUNYA, falls over. "You got me."
SHEP, gesticulating with the nudey mag. "Really? Really?"
CATALUNYA. "Um, yeah."
SHEP, tosses it on the nightstand. "You know, that's what the internet's for." Busily getting out of work clothes. "I'll look at it later."
CATALUNYA, pacing. "I just want something I can feel you know? Something that takes up space. Something whose pages stick together." Sidelong grin.
SHEP, chuckles. "I'll. I'll pick it up later."
CATALUNYA, sidling up. Sotto voce. "I can. Jerk you off. While you look at it."
SHEP.
CATALUNYA.
SHEP. "Hold that thought." Exits. CATALUNYA waits. Waits. Picks up the nudey mag. Waits. "What the fuck!" Returns, holding a sex toy of some sort in horror. "What the hell is this doing in our bathroom?"
CATALUNYA. "Ummm..."
SHEP. "What the hell is this for?"
CATALUNYA. "It's. It's for..." Laughs. "...you know, scratching where it itches." Lunges for it.
SHEP, half-serious. "I'm getting rid of it."
CATALUNYA, beat.
SHEP.
CATALUNYA. "I need it."
SHEP. "Need it?! Just a minute, we have good sex."
CATALUNYA. "Yes."
SHEP. "Great, even."
CATALUNYA. "Great sex!"
SHEP. "Then..."
CATALUNYA. "I need it to make me come."
SHEP.
CATALUNYA.
SHEP.
CATALUNYA.
SHEP. "...then how is the sex great?"
CATALUNYA, confrontational shrug. "What's your beef? Come on, we do it three times a week sometimes." Naughty. "I wouldn't let you plug me that often if it wasn't good, baby."
SHEP. "You're my wife, that's my job. Not some...machine's."
CATALUNYA. "I'm sorry."
SHEP.
CATALUNYA. "Can I have it back?"
SHEP. "...fine." Throws it on the bed. CATALUNYA looks at it. Looks at SHEP. Slowly retrieves it. SHEP leaves. Silence.
CATALUNYA. "Shep?"
Living room, same night. SHEP lying on the couch watching TV. CODY enters.
SHEP. "She had. A dildo!"
CODY, laughs. "What? Is that what this is about?"
SHEP. "I come home early from work and she's looking at porn and has a freakin' dildo!"
CODY. "Oh god Shep, is that all?"
SHEP. "She said she couldn't come without it!"
CODY. "The porn or the dildo?"
SHEP. "//The dildo!"
CODY. "//The dildo right?"
SHEP. "The dildo--can we stop saying dildo!"
CODY. "Well. That's. Pretty normal then, Shep."
SHEP. "I HATE IT!" Thrashes about angrily. CODY sits.
CODY. "Oh come on. There's more to life than that. She'd love you even if you were dickless. From what you tell me."
SHEP. "You don't know her libido." Pause. "That girl makes me crazy."
CODY. "You discover she gets herself off and suddenly she makes you sick?"
SHEP. "Crazy! She makes me crazy!" Fumes. "Why doesn't she say something or complain or something? Instead of. Screwing herself! Behind my back, it's like she's cheating on me. With herself!"
CODY. "Maybe she's trying to spare your feelings, asshole."
SHEP, heavy sigh. "I don't want my feelings spared. I want her to be dissatisfied so I can satisfy her."
CODY. "Wow."
SHEP.
CODY.
SHEP. "When we were married..."
CODY. "We never got to that. The marriage didn't last that long, remember?"
SHEP. "OK, but before we were married then?"
CODY. "I. Can't really remember, honestly. We were young."
SHEP. "...Catalunya's young."
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